December 2011
9 posts
weird winter
For the first time in my life, I have really cute snowboots that I am dying to wear.
For the first time in my life, it is 43˚ on New Year’s Eve.
We have had no snow at all. What’s up, northern Midwest?
I’m trying to enjoy this, but it’s actually kind of disconcerting. My little snowbunny system can’t handle it. It just feels so wrong.
I also have two new pairs of mittens, a new pair of...
Allison Versus Her Twelve-Year-Old Mentee
M: You're not a real grown-up, you know.
A: I'm not?
M: No.
A: But I do grown-up things, don't I?
M: Sometimes. I mean, you're 24. You're married. And you have a grown-up job. But that doesn't make you a real grown-up. You're like a kid in a grown-up body.
A: How do you figure?
M: Well, you wear t-shirts and jeans. And you don't fix your hair fancy. And it's long. Grown-ups usually have short hair.
A: So my superfine, impossible-to-do-anything-with long hair and the clothes I wear on my days off negate my degrees and my occupation?
M: Well, you also don't eat grown-up foods. You hate vegetables.
A: I eat them sometimes. I don't prefer them, but I do eat them. Which is more than you can say.
M: You like cookies.
A: Plenty of grown-ups like cookies.
M: And cupcakes.
A: Ditto with the cupcakes. I'm not seeing any of this as legitimately excluding me from Land of the Grown-ups.
M: Well, I don't know any other grown-ups who talk to me about Twilight and listen to Ke$ha and Katy Perry with me.
A: You're 12. You're into vampires. And it's kind of a distinct part of our friendship that I'm supposed to point out problematic messages in the media you consume, especially if it's Stephenie Meyer. And as for Ke$ha, well, everybody likes a catchy pop song. But I don't really listen to Ke$ha on my own time, if you want the truth.
M: What do you listen to?
A: Lately? Eels. Coconut Records. Best Coast.
M: I don't know who those are.
A: I know. I played a Junior Senior song for you once and you acted like you were going to die.
M: Well, just because you like music that real people don't like doesn't make you a grown-up.
A: True.
M: . . . Actually, no, I take that back. You probably are a grown-up. I mean, you like the Beatles. Only old people like the Beatles.
Allison Versus the Patriarchy: A Conversation...
Waiter at Fancy Restaurant: "Oh, and it's men's night tonight, so drinks are half-price for all the gentlemen in the group."
A: "What the hell? I'M the oppressed one."
Male Acquaintance: "Yeah, yeah, patriarchy, parity, rigid gender roles, whatever. You want gender equality but you also want special treatment?"
A: "Centuries of systemic oppression, dude. The least I can get is cheap booze and free admission to strip clubs."
St. Louis Reports That Former Selfless... →
It’s a bit of a rough day for a fourth-generation Cardinals fan. My emotions don’t know what to do: on the one hand, “but Albert we LLLLLOOOOVVVVVEEEDDDD you!” but on the other, “Dude, if $220 million and being treated as a GOD isn’t enough, then you are a butthead and LA can have you.”
The real tragedy, of course, is that now I kind of want to trade him...
The Best Icing Ever
Over the last year or two I’ve gotten into baking as a hobby, reasoning that just because I’ll never be a decent cook (WAY too picky and unfocused) doesn’t mean I can’t come up with reasons to buy and wear aprons.
(A post for another time: I love this whole retro twee thing that’s been going on for the last few years—cupcakes, ukuleles, braided pigtails,...
Little Summer Poem Touching the Subject of Faith,...
The first time I read this poem it was just an excerpt in Ted Kooser’s The Poetry Home Repair Manual, just the first five lines, and so that’s how I’ll always think of it. I was so surprised later when I discovered that it was far longer. Out of respect for Mary Oliver and because it really is a glorious poem in its entirety, I’ve included the whole thing here,...
