February 2012
8 posts
A New Spin on the "Working Mom"
A: If a fertilized egg is a person and a corporation is a person, does that mean that a zygote is a corporate entity?
J: Oh god. I mean, I know there's a logical fallacy there, but that's still potentially genius.
A: You know how I have an irrational fear of one day having to announce a pregnancy? NOT ANYMORE. Instead of an awkward Facebook post or a creepy pregnancy photo-card, I'll just send out a press release announcing an IPO!
J: Oh god--"The stock launch of Baby G Industries provides a unique investment opportunity with guaranteed exponential growth!"
A: Unless the zygote dies. Or fails to implant. The way zygotes do.
J: But we're talking pregnancy-announcement stage now. It's like Google. It's pretty much guaranteed to keep growing by the time you get around to the IPO part.
A: Really, it's just a more direct way of telling people to invest in our baby. This way we don't have to mess around with baby showers.
J: Everyone hates baby showers.
A: Yep. Ooh, and I call CEO.
J: It's my fetus, too! Besides, as a zygote-corporation-person, it pretty much has more rights than you do. That's kind of the point. Woman.
A: You can be CFO.
J: That's a fancy way of saying that you want me to earn all the capital for this venture, isn't it?
A: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONIES.
An Awfully Long Time
I’ve been thinking about Peter Pan lately.
Perhaps it’s because my thesis is on Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and so I spend a good deal of my time with relatives and even my professors justifying the serious study of children’s literature, trying to convince them that yes, something very important is going on here, and it’s a bizarre world where we can all...
“Isn’t it gonna be so nice when I can play “Octopus’s...”
– My husband Joe, as he progresses with his transformation from Normal Human Being to Sitcom Caricature of a Husband.
Marathon
In Thesis World, there’s a massive difference between Done and Done-Done and Done-Done-Done.
Done is when you get all your ideas and textual evidence down. Done-Done is when you’ve done most of your editing and added in your scholarly backup. Done-Done-Done is when you’ve finally stopped leaving yourself in-text notes in bold as to what you know isn’t finished but...
“I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the...”
– — Jess, New Girl
Watching New Girl has actually become kind of rewarding. My husband and I hate-watched the first couple of episodes and then took a long break because we found ourselves yelling at the TV and rolling our eyes so much that it was kind of exhausting. But then one night I was...